Puro in the Twenty-Ought-Savage

http://board.deathvalleydriver.com/index.php?showtopic=32414





#13--Fuuka/HIROKA, 1/14, JD

Fuuka is cute, HIROKA isn't happy, this is Joshi. Who knows what got into HIROKA, because she's a beast on offense in this, being almost too cruel. Fuuka has some real weight behind her kicks, which is way deceptive, and actually a little scary. If there's a real storyline behind this match, I've missed it because I don't follow JD. I don't even know who the other girl in the little interference spot it. I know that HIROKA's way tough to stay in a heel hook as long as she does. HIROKA's just a big bully, and when Fuuka's antagonizing her, it's totally great. It's not Joshi without the obscene stomach kicking, and this match is full of really great ones from both of them. This match seemed to really fly by, for some reason, and the finish was flat, for me, but that's probably more because I don't think I've ever seen HIROKA before. This match was a good introduction, though.



#2--Ryouji Sai/Mammoth Sasaki, 2/18, Z1MAX

Mammoth Sasaki does batting practice with a chair, and Z1MAX continues to warm my heart with ridiculous video packages. I go back and forth on liking Sai. Mammoth Sasaki is wearing a shirt with the Red Skull on it, and that is viciously awesome. Sai's theme is depressing, because it starts as "Lust for Life", then goes into crappy Offspring. Sai has a British flag on one side of his tights, because he's a punk, or...something. The mat wrestling bits are great because it's a strubble for positioning, and then they start elbowing each other. Mammoth Sasaki is golden with how he's selling, and Ryouji Sai has himself on his kneepads and his tights, now that I get a close look. That totally makes sense for him. Sai gets all up Sasaki's business, and it's generally a bad idea, as Sasaki is apt to commit assault if properly motivated. Sasaki cold throws a table at Sai, and I love this match already. Sasaki is totally an awesome brawler, and Sai is willing to get horribly abused, so it all works out. I think back to what DEAN said about Mammoth Sasaki being all 70s style on the last JVsTW, and it's totally right. I have no idea why weapons are being allowed, but at the same time, I wouldn't tell Mammoth "no" either. Sai throws out a great corner Shining Wizard to make his comeback, and Sai has decided he's going to sell today, so the match will work. Sasaki lariats Sai in the knee to counter a kick. This match is awesome. None of the chair stuff is contrived, amazingly. It becomes patently obvious that KENTA loves Ryouji Sai, because Sai just totally did the double stomp spot that he did against Morishima, but with less strange screaming. With Sasaki being proto-Morishima, and Sai apparently being KENTA's muse, this match is the best Morishima/KENTA match possible, but even without taking shots at that match, this match is still way awesome. It's not an earth shattering epic or anything, but it is a total blast, and way more fun than anything I've seen this year so far.



#1--Meiko Satomura Vs. Mayumi Ozaki, 2/12, LLPW

To take care of the whole problem I had with the Fuuka/HIROKA match, LLPW is nice enough to put on a big video package to tell me why I need to care about this match. Sadly, I barely understand it. I think this is the finals of a tournament of some kind, but I am not at all sure. The crowd attendance is a little sad, but it gives the entrances a weird kind of aura it wouldn't have if there were people screaming. I am a pretty big Ozaki fan, and have been since the Ozaki/Kansai Vs. Yamada/Toyota 2/3 Falls, so this will be more than alright. Satomura isn't anything to sneeze at either. Ozaki has a manager, and a chain, so this is already old school awesomeness. The chain is a dog collar, and holy hell, this is great. Ozaki has always been great at tormenting and mocking her opponents, and this match is no different. The manager gets all kinds of involved, and there's weapon shenanigans that go unpunished, but I don't care, because this thing is fantastic. The manager is made of gold and pro wrestling, and is totally making this match. Male managers in Joshi is totally a great idea, and this guy is great at it. He looks like Yoji Anjoh. If anyone is a big LLPW person, I would be greatful if I could get a name. Satomura sells everything  perfect, and her come backs are great. The two of them do throw out some really weird moves, like Satomura's F-5. The Shining Axe Kick is still way gross. When the ring girls run interference for Satomura, I am marking out like a little bitch. There's a pretty gross botch thanks to one of the ring girls trying to get out of the way, but Satomura recovers flawlessly, and good fucking god, this thing is amazing. The manager is a woman hating ass, and Satomura makes the save for the ring girls at the end of the match. Ozaki, with righteous fury over losing the match, uses the collar and drags the manager to the back, slapping him all the way. And then there's a backstage segment about it, where the two of them fight like some couple. Ozaki bypasses the press set, and Satomura seems a little emotional. This match is a damn blast, and is a real throwback affair.



#3--Shinjiro Otani & Takao Omori Vs. Yoshihiro Takayama & Kohei Sato, 2/18

AWESOME. Kazunari Murakami and Hirotaka Yokoi made the last match not so great, so by all means, this should be fucking incredible. The video package is a Z1MAX video package, so it's automatically great. The match has the subtitle of "Head On Collision", and it is. They pair off just like they ought to, Otani and Sato beating ass on one side, Omori and Takayama on the other, with Omori/Otani rushing just like in the six man. Omori is spitting fire as he drags Takayama around by his beautiful hair, and it is great. Then Takayama starts punching him. There is way too much wrestling going on in this match, so Takayama puts a stop to it by kneeling on Omori's face and windpipe while also trying to set an armbar. I want to see Takayama/Omori, and I still need to see the tag title match, whenever that makes it's way out. Takayama is Takayama, and it's hate filled Takayama. Once he gets his fill, Sato is in to seemingly prove himself to Takayama, and he's as vicious as ever wit all kinds of choking going on. The crowd is totally for Omori, and Otani is on that hyphy or something. He gets in, and slaps the shit out of Sato, and I believe S Road, damnit. Otani and Sato are great together, and Sato/Takayama still have really odd chemistry. Otani is in full on 80s facial/selling mode, which is fucking rad. The crowd is bananas for Otani, and so am I. And then Omori randomly kicks Sato in the damn face, and I love this match so much. Omori breaks a chair over Takayama's skull, because he's damn heartless, like he's saying "bitch, you ain't never had a concussion till you came in my business." Takayama is busted way open, and Omori is just ruthless, crossfacing the cut then putting a camel clutch on the cut. Otani does exactly the same, and I totally did not expect this. Omori refuses to let Talayama come back, so he runs interference. Takayama is a house of fire on both of them, and within the last five minutes of watching, Omori/Otani went from old school faces to a surly as fuck rudo team. Yet, they're getting all kinds of cheered for it. The sandwich Axe Bomber/Enzui is great, and Omori is  great at conveying just how damn livid he is by punching Takayama in his disgured face after the Axe Guillotine Driver. Sato comes in and is a house of fire, getting them the hell off of Takayama, but Omori and Otani soon get the advantage. Takayama totally loses it, grabbing the table that Sasaki used earlier in the match, and cold throws it at Otani, who is the lucky recipient of a damn beating, capitalized by him taking one of the heavy, unforgiving barricades and braining both of them with it. Takayama is bleeding a gusher. This match is fucking awesome, if random. I was totally expecting Takayama as incader, not Takayama as victim. Takayama's revenge is goddamn glorious, and this match is somehow even better with the DQ finish. They have to pull Takayama off Omori, and not even his partners can to id. Takayama flipping off the cheering Z1MAX fans is also great. Sato and Yokoi have to pull Takayama to the back, as Omori is lifted like dead weight from the ring. Holy shit. This match is obscene, and totally makes me want to see an Omori/Takayama bloodbath singles match.



#12--Jun Akiyama Vs. Go Shoisaki, 1/27, NOAH

Akiyama is at his absolute best as either insane coach (Hashi) or thuggish doorkeeper, and Go is a great plucky babyface. We don't get Go's entrence in th vid, and we barely get Akiyama's, as Go jumps him before the bell. Go is on fire, but that comes to an end after Akiyama throws up a jumping knee as Go does his flying shoulder tackle. Akiyama slows things down, going after Go's arm. And lord, does he ever go after the arm. twisting it way unnaturally, and making Go pay for his insolence like only he car. Jun stand like a wall in the face of Go's offense, since Go's right handed and Akiyama worked on the right. Akiyama is relentless on the arm, and you feel bad for Go, but I guess he had it coming. Akiyama must love hazing, as all his best matches come off as trials by fire, especially with Go and Hashi. The Budokan wants Go to take Jun's head off with Lariats, and by god, he does. Go is still the best underdog face in NOAH, and he's more than happy to bust his ass for a good match. Akiyama is great at getting control back, grabbing an armbar instead of kicking out of the moonsault, and continuing to antagonize Go. Seeing Kikuchi scream at Go to get the ropes is also awesome, even if you have to be paying attention for it. Akiyama's control is greeted with silence, but Shiosaki's crawling is met with awe and cheering. When he kicks at one after the backdrops, the place wakes up, and Akiyama throwing out the Shining Wizard is great. When Go kicks from the Exploder, the place goes up. Watching Go try as hard as he can to chop Akiyama is great. I was really pulling for Go to lay it, but his arm just hurt too bad. But, there were two chops before the end hit, and they were total gold, despite how bad Go's arm was. Therre is athletic tape all over Go's busterd arm, and the look on Go's face from losing is a little moving. He looks deflated, and as he comes to, he looks madder and madder. The video ends with him pounding the mat and screaming. This is a good little rookie vs. champion match, and Go is still the best thing NOAH has in it's future.



#18--KAZMA, Daichi Kakimoto, KAGETORA, & Soldier Vs. Akira Raijin, Super Dolphin, Munenori Sawa, & Takeshi Minnamino, 3/22, Wakamusha

Like, don't know, don't like, don't know, don't like, like, indisposed, there is no way that's Minnamino. Match starts with rudos jumping faces. I don't pay attention for a little, and look back up when it's Kakimoto and Sawa getting into it. There's a great little roll up trade, and then KAGETORA and Super Dolphin get tagged in. KAZMA and KAGETORA work great together as a team, with KAZMA bringing the bloat and KAGETORA with the gloat. I have never seen Soldier before ever, and he ain't exactly impressing. Then it's more Kakimoto. I do love the discus lariat. Apparently Sawa and Kakimoto hate each other, or something, as Sawa runs in to stop Kakimoto from doing offense. This match s a nice little sprint. KAZMA is still a great heel, so the look on his face as he blocks a Raijin headbut brings me joy. Minnamino looks like Todo from those Art of Fighting Games, if he had a buzz cut. Soldier is a little basic. Reminds me a lot of Kuroda. Raijin kills the Lungblower, just because of how unnatural he looks doing it. Sawa's Shining Wizard is still awesome. Soldier does a Styles Clash. What? KAGETORA is still KAGETORA, and that's cool if you like KAGETORA, although Dolphin is more than happy to go up for his weird unnatural offense. Black Mamba or whatever you call the Low Ki Shining Wizard miss is still really lame, even if it is Super Dolphin doing it. Just when I'm thinking this match needs more KAZMA, here comes Kazma and Todo Minnamino. Holy crap, they're both antsy, apparently, as they're laying in crazy hard. Minnamino is totally great with the fake karate gimmick. And now pointless big moves to get everyone in for the ending sprint of the match. KAZMA waits for all of the other guys to finish jacking off, and then goes back to business, smashing Minnamino, and ending it. Unremarkable, but KAZMA is still cool, so this match is cool.