Just digging through documents. thought I'd upload this stuff.

I Object/I, The Object

The Morning
I see day again.
Joys and Loves
and Sorrows and Sins

The orchestra fills me
As I expel my needs.
Need my confession
It's a new mandate

The evening
I'm yearning
To be used
And to be rebuffed

Love is undefined
So which love is true?
It's my only want
To completely suit you

I am your audience
And you are mine
I love your show
And you can't stand mine

It was one pen
That opened my doors
I want you to speak, friend
And enter my world.

I want
I need
Make me
Want me

Aren't I revolting?
What I say and what I do
Just wait and see
What I want for you

I won't dictate
And spill my id over you
You won't hesitate
And never spoil you

How cruel is this wait!
I object
I just wanted you to use me
I, the object

The latest Samantha dream.

The dream was a blue sunrise. It’s what most of the sunrises are like here, thanks to the marine layer. Just a deep, bright blue aura-like light all around. I didn’t understand what was going on until she started talking. It’s really hard for me to describe her voice, especially so far removed from the dream, but I knew it was her. It’s not like I dream about anyone else in soft situations like this one.

We were sitting on the damp grass, huddled together with our backs against the wall as we sat in the backyard. She has some kind of coffee thing that’s making little wisps of steam. If I’m not watching her, or a bird flying by, I’m watching the steam dissipate in the air. No one else is awake, since we’re apparently both crazy.

The conversation is low key, nothing as mind-bending or profound as they have been. Maybe that was the point, since lately I’ve been worked up almost all the time and in a great amount of emotional turmoil, peaking with a dream last week where I felt like I was dying and then woke up suddenly. I needed to talk to her again, and see her. Talking to her is the greatest relief I have, as it makes me stop thinking about the horrible, horrible future, or being concerned that everything I could do could be some severe misstep. I’m simply sitting in the back yard with my girl.

The last part of the dream I remember is her leaning her head onto my shoulder, and saying “I lo-“, then Dave slammed against my door as he fell out of the bathroom. Ass.


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